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Light that enters through the cracks

From an emotional perspective, the last few weeks have been not easy for me. Being pulled away from my normal environment and placed in a different one, and being already very sensitive and overly aware of everything that goes on around me and inside of me – which has led to some low moments.

Today’s experience comes from Simona.

From an emotional perspective, the last few weeks have been not easy for me. Being pulled away from my normal environment and placed in a different one, and being already very sensitive and overly aware of everything that goes on around me and inside of me – which has led to some low moments.

I really could not complain though. I’m with my sister’s family, surrounded by two adults and four children. Being with them, I feel part of a small community, and it helps. My parents are at a walking distance, and, since we live in a village, I can go and stay with them in their yard, at the appropriate distance, and we can enjoy each other’s company. My sister also has a spacious courtyard, where I can go outside whenever I want. I’m well aware I’m one of the lucky ones in all of this, and I try to be grateful. 

However, I’ve also had days and moments, plenty of them, when I felt meaninglessness, of acute longing for my past life, and even anger. I wish I wasn’t like this. I have done my best to keep any depressing thoughts away, but, as much as I try, this is not always in my power. So, I’ve decided to just accept the waves that will come over me – accept them, name them, not analyze them too much, but not just ignore them. I will let whatever may come be, knowing that this too shall pass. 

Meanwhile, I am deeply thankful for some other instances. For example, earlier today, when I was able to sit in the yard during my lunch break, reading some pages  from a book and eating a mango; then soon after, while I was resting a bit in my room with the windows wide open, I opened my eyes and saw wonderful rays of light coming in and I heard birds singing and I breathed in the clean air. 

I know I am rich and God is good. And I know He is still in control even when my weak self cannot see all the good things I have received as a gift.

I am praying for my eyes to be opened more these days; for my heart to be changed more; for my whole being to be renewed, so that in this place where I’ve been put for a while, I will be able to reflect some of the kindness, mercy, goodness and love that come from above.

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